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The 6 Most Common Secret Sexual Fantasies—And What They Mean

Your fantasies are always with you, personification hide-and-seek with your viewed realities, murmur furious ideas into your middle ear, showing cinema in your mind, stirring your passions mysteriously, nonetheless so powerfully. If you are detained in any way—by your work, your family, your education, your religion, your government—your fantasies spin your freedom. Sometimes your ability to fantasize is the only leisure you have.

Where does expectation finish and reality begin? The English philosopher John Richter said, “Fantasy manners over two-thirds of the universe, the past and the future, while reality is cramped to the present.”

Fantasy—the strange “theater of the mind”—makes up a vast apportionment of human consciousness. Memory, as it filters by the mind’s eye, is a kind of expectation that gazes backward, into the past. Hope, anticipation, fear and aspiration are fantasies that demeanour toward the future. Our sexuality is fueled by fantasies of the past and the future, as good as “pure” fantasies—wild dreams that never happened and that you never really wish to have happened—that haunt and kindle you like a eccentric together universe.

A ardent expectation can be a long, formidable story, a discerning mental peep of amorous imagery or something in between. Whatever form it takes, it arouses your ardent feelings. As such, your favorite expectation is the G-spot of your mind.


Experts determine that ardent fantasies are important, comprehensive and pervasive. But they can’t determine on much more. For every study that concludes women or men fantasize one way, there’s another that concludes the opposite. If you demeanour tough enough, you can find a study to infer any speculation about ardent fantasies and another one to oppose it. Maybe this is given it is very formidable to magnitude fantasies solely by questionnaires, and it is so easy and tantalizing to distortion on questionnaires, generally when it comes to opening up about a deepest, darkest, many embarrassing, secret ardent fantasies. Therefore, we will not use many studies to clear my points here. we bottom my observations on my own veteran and personal experience, which we trust is as good a “study” on expectation as any.

Before we plead where your secret fantasies come from and possibly or not to share them with anyone, let’s take a demeanour at some of the many common ones.

1. The Perfect Lover

The many renouned ardent fantasies among men and women engage images of sex with a passionate, attractive, sparkling partner who will do whatever you want, even if that means winning you.  Your Perfect Lover could be someone you know; it could even be your real-life partner.  It could be someone you saw in difficulty or at work but never speak to, a luminary with whom you feel a connection, or a finish foreigner you happened to face for two heated mins in a swarming elevator.  It could be someone that would be your ideal mate, if only you could be together.  Or it could be someone very taboo: a relative, your best friend’s spouse, a “bad” child or girl, someone of whom you know your family would disapprove.  Perfect Lovers run the gamut, but the concept evil is that you find this person overwhelming and intensely satisfying, at slightest in fantasy.

Even very normal ladies who prefer intrigue to porn enjoy the expectation of the Perfect Lover.  While such a unfolding competence engage zero some-more than kissing, Perfect Lover fantasies can entail ardent retort in every position.  Oral sex (giving or receiving) is a big favorite, followed by primer sex, anal sex (giving or receiving) and mutual masturbation.  In further to these elementary earthy sex acts, there are many other forms of sex about which you competence fantasize, generally if you feel deprived of a sold favorite activity.  Your Perfect Lover will never dispossess you…unless you have a damage fetish.

One renouned movement on the Perfect Lover is what we call “Some Enchanted Evening”: sex with a voluptuous stranger.  It’s not that I’m recommending sex with a real-life stranger, at slightest not nonetheless sheathing your physique in a fit of latex armor, the resplendent armor of the horseman of the 21st century, but the expectation of sex with an exciting, appealing foreigner is a pleasant aphrodisiac that many women and men enjoy.  One of the reasons these kinds of lovers are “perfect” is that you don’t know them at all.

It’s even some-more common to fantasize about your real-life lover, who may not be perfect, but must be graceful prohibited and is positively informed and easy adequate to conjure up in the amorous museum of your mind.  But given it’s a secret ardent fantasy, you competence suppose something conflicting than the usual.  Maybe you fantasize that your real-life partner is assertive even nonetheless he or she is customarily passive, or the two of you are being watched, or maybe you suppose yourself examination your partner have sex with someone else. This brings us to the next many renouned form of fantasy…

2. Two Perfect Lovers—Or More!

Double your pleasure, double your fun; sex with two lovers is some-more fun than one!  The trio is another very common ardent fantasy.  It’s mostly compared with the male amorous imagination, and it’s positively one of the many widespread male fantasies, invoking images of double-wived patriarchs and the pleasures of the harem.  But women are throwing up as it becomes some-more excusable for us to acknowledge we’d like to be with two prohibited men at once, or maybe a man and another woman.

The male customary is sex with two women, of course–often a partner and another lady.  This arrange of ménage à trois expectation is graceful to your amorous ego and gives you a sex-educational glimpse into the secrets of lesbian sex.  Of course, these are not man-hating lesbians; in fact, they adore your penis!

More and some-more men now also confess that they fantasize about having a trio with a lady and another man.  The spin of illusory earthy cognisance can run the progression from hardly touching the man while you both concentration on the lady all the way to the two men having heated sex while the lady simply watches or “directs.”  You competence also suppose examination the other man have his ardent way with your woman, with you as the “cuckold,” formulating what we call the “sperm wars” effect, a rival arise in your spermatazoa count that arouses you even if you feel sceptical and insecure.

Threesome fantasies can be so vivid, generally if one of the partners is your real-life lover, that many people try respirating life into them.  The ensuing reality spans from having a pleasing knowledge which enhances your relationship, as good as your clarity of your ardent self, to an awful, ungainly occurrence that hurts everybody involved.  One thing is for certain: Everything in any expectation is “perfect” as distant as your libido is concerned.  Reality, however, is not utterly so in change with what turns you on, let alone what turns on your real-life partner or the third party.

A trio can spin an orgy, which is another common ardent fantasy.  One way to keep ardent monogamy from apropos routine is to contend an active expectation life with as many conflicting partners as you can imagine. we occur to have a personal soothing mark for real-life orgies, holding them frequently at my Institute, giving me and everybody here not just the possibility to live out a common fantasy, but the event to knowledge real-life community ecstasy.

3. Bisexual Fantasies

Sometimes when you suppose a trio with someone of the same sex, it’s a preface to fantasizing about a some-more intimate, same-sex twosome.  Or maybe the third conflicting sex partner is just there for show, to “guide” or even “force” the two same-gender lovers to play with any other.  Or maybe your amorous museum of the mind will just mix the male and womanlike into one and suppose sex with a pre-op transsexual or shemale.

This doesn’t indispensably meant you’re truly gay, nonetheless it could.  It many mostly means you’re truly bisexual, which we trust many of us are, and that your expectation life is making up for what you restrain in your genuine life.  Just given you fantasize about having sex with someone of your gender doesn’t meant you ought to do it.  Same sex fantasies can weigh a lot of conflicting things for people who lead mostly loyal genuine lives–from seeking personal validation to breaking governmental taboos.

It’s funny; it used to be much some-more banned for women to acknowledge to any kind of fantasies, solely the kind revolving around adore and “bodice-rippers,” a.k.a. intrigue novels.  But now that some-more women are formulating porn and erotica, making it some-more romantic–that is, story and character-driven–younger women are unabashedly eating it up.  Modern ladies also seem to have an easier time usurpation their bi-curious fantasies than many men do.  There are several sociopolitical, cultural, psychological and earthy reasons for this.  Women know that many men are incited on by two women together, given it’s still a rare, very big lady who enjoys two men together.  Our multitude is some-more homophobic than lesbian-phobic.  Then there are the real-life, earthy risks which tend to be larger between men, given invasion is some-more mostly involved, than between women.

When fantasizing about sex with another female, many women suppose the other woman’s whole body: her breasts, buns, hair, lips (both pairs), clitoris, soothing skin, charming eyes, etc.  When men fantasize about other men, they tend to concentration on one part: the penis.  Usually, they prognosticate a big one.  So Freud was wrong about “penis envy.” Women don’t have it; men do.  At least, a lot of men do.  Certainly, Freud himself did.

Even, maybe especially, the presumably homophobic male has happy fantasies.  Why do you consider a male like that is so frightened of gays “converting” loyal men?  Because in his fantasies, that’s accurately what happens: a hugely included male dominates him, forcing him to have sex—usually giving verbal or holding anal–and he likes it, at slightest in expectation (again, this doesn’t indispensably meant he’s truly gay).  Masters Johnson reported that heterosexuals mostly fantasize about homosexual encounters and clamp versa, some-more mostly reflecting oddity and other impulses than the enterprise to change the gender of one’s real-life lovers.  Norman Mailer went so distant as to contend that “There is substantially no supportive heterosexual alive who is not rapt with his implicit homosexuality.”  we would supplement “at some indicate in his life,” given such desires come and go.

Our multitude tends to make things black or white, good or bad, male or female, heterosexual or homosexual.  But the human ardent imagination is many really bisexual, even what you competence call omnisexual.  When Edna St. Vincent Millay went to a alloy for her headaches, he suggested they competence branch from “an occasional amorous incentive toward a person of [her] own sex.”

“Oh, you meant I’m homosexual?” Millay responded,  “Of course, we am, and heterosexual too, but what’s that got to do with my headache?” Maybe that’s what the Pulitzer-prize-winning producer and Vassar girl meant when she wrote “my candle browns at both ends.”

Men are not from Mars, and women are not from Venus.  We’re all from the same beautiful, wild, ardent universe Earth, and we’re distant some-more comparison than we are different.  Dr. Alfred Kinsey was among the first to show that we’re all on a bisexual continuum with comprehensive heterosexuals on one finish and comprehensive homosexuals on the other end.  Very few of us tumble at one extreme or the other.  Most of us are bisexual to some degree.  That doesn’t meant we like both sexes equally at all times.  It just means many of us can potentially, under the right resources (boarding school, prison, a dried island, etc.), with the right person (the Perfect Lover), be worried by possibly gender.  Certainly, we can, and mostly do, enjoy being “bi” in fantasy.

4. Surrender and Power Trips

Power and surrender, or “dominance and submission” (D/s) fantasies are utterly common among both men and women.  They seem to be gaining in popularity, but they’re even older than the human race, substantially issuing by the amorous minds of a bonobo and chimpanzee cousins. They can be wanton or romantic, miraculous or dangerous. D/s fantasies may engage sadomasochism (S/M), subjugation and fortify (B/D), an illusory abduction, a expectation “rape,” spanking, whipping, tickling, torture, teasing, physique ceremony and a horde of other activities that may or may not entail tangible ardent intercourse. In D/s fantasies, being “bad” – possibly you are the nasty Dom or the disobedient sub–feels really good.  It’s another pretence of the imagination that turns the “good” standing quo on its conduct in sequence to spin you on.

It’s easy to know since people enjoy winning others.  Power is a rush, generally in fantasy.  You get to do whatever you wish to the sex intent of your dreams.  What some-more could you desire?  Many people pursue earthy appetite over others in genuine life, mostly entering political, police or military careers.  Others prefer to go on their appetite trips in their amorous imagination.  Traditionally, “domination” is deliberate a male fantasy, substantially many renouned among immature men who are comparatively unable in real-life society, even nonetheless they have testosterone-pumping appetite to spare.  But some-more and some-more women contend they enjoy the expectation of being dominant, “on top,” wielding a whip or even growing a penis (okay, Freud was right about some women) or other penetrative “weapon,” maybe wearing a strap-on dildo in real-life sex.

But since do people prolonged to submit?  It’s positively not all Stockholm Syndrome.   As a therapist, we hear many some-more fantasies of acquiescence than dominance, from both men and women.  That’s partly given private therapy is expensive, and the men and women who can means it tend to be successful professionals who browbeat others in genuine life.  Nature seeks a balance, mostly anticipating it by a expectation life, making differently widespread people prolonged to surrender, to be impressed by someone else’s passion and power.  In their amorous imaginations, and infrequently in a real-life role-playing event with a dominatrix, they obey control for a brief duration in their busy, power-packed day or week.  They take a mini vacation from genuine life highlight and the shortcoming of being in charge, maybe a time outing back into a childhood or adolescence under someone else’s control.  Since multitude puts so much vigour on us to achieve–and achieving is tough work–deep in a secret amorous imaginations, many high-achievers prolonged to surrender.

But there’s another, even some-more pervasive reason many people eroticize submission: guilt. Forced obey allows you to do something ardent nonetheless it being your “fault,” absolving you of guilt, at slightest in fantasy.  No one likes to be raped in genuine life, of course, but the rape expectation is intensely popular, as prolonged as it’s being perpetrated by someone attractive.  Usually, your expectation assailant is a kind of Perfect Lover, someone you would actually be anxious to have sex with in genuine life.  But, in a rape fantasy, you give yourself the additional pleasure of insurgency and the pardon of ignorance (it’s the rapist’s fault, not yours!). Though, of course, it is your expectation mind that creates the assailant and all he or she does.  For apparent reasons, the rape expectation is many common among sexually restricted “good girls” and presumably regressive men. It’s also an ego-boost to the sexually insecure, as it allows you to feel intensely desirable, so much so that your assailant finds you unfit to resist.

Whether you are being raped, ravished, abducted, tied up, spanked, teased, forced to dress like a slut or led around on a control as the worker of a powerful, voluptuous Master or Mistress, in a acquiescence fantasy, you get to be finished to do or get what you secretly desire.  So a foot fetishist will be “made” to ceremony feet, the pap masochist “forced” to humour additional unpleasant pap clamps and the panty partner “ordered” to put on the mistress’ knickers.  Dominant/submissive scenarios may engage master/slave, goddess/supplicant, rapist/victim, boss/employee, teacher/student, parent/child, john/hooker, doctor/patient or guard/prisoner.

Men and women substantially fantasize with equal passion about ardent surrender.  But it’s still some-more socially excusable for women (even feminist women) than it is for men, so men some-more mostly mix feelings of chagrin with submission.  Politically improper as it may be, mostly male acquiescence fantasies engage being dressed up in traditional, voluptuous or “slutty” women’s garments and called derogative womanlike names.  This may or may not overlie with cross-dressing or transgender fantasies.

Keep in mind that some people have transgender fantasies that are not at all submissive; they really do feel that they were innate into the physique of the “wrong” gender, and their fantasies are infrequently a preface to “becoming” the conflicting sex in real-life by hormones, medicine and lifestyle changes.  But very often, male transvestite fantasies aren’t about really wanting to be a woman; they’re about acquiescence in the form of amorous degradation.

I could go on and on about the many conflicting forms of ardent obey and acquiescence that people enjoy.  In love–as against to war, politics or business, where “surrender” conjures images of better and shame–surrender can be honeyed and the ultimate, insinuate fulfillment.  The ancient Taoist masters said, “In yielding, there is strength.”  In surrender, there can be power–certainly ardent expectation power.

5. Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

Another common expectation combo is seeing and being seen, showing off and examination the show, exhibitionism and voyeurism.  It’s not all visual; you can be an audio-voyeur who enjoys conference someone speak “dirty,” and you can be an auditory exhibitionist who gets off on revelation your sex secrets to the world.  But many exhibitionism and voyeurism is about the fun of the amorous gawk and the disturb of being gazed upon, breaking by the clever social banned of visible privacy.

The whole porn attention is formed on people’s voyeuristic desires to see differently banned images of  other people intent in sex.  We adore to watch.  There are apparently adequate people who adore to be watched that there are copiousness of porn stars and strippers.  Those are extreme professions to be in, but in expectation you can do it all and unclothed it all before thousands or in banned places.  Marilyn Monroe is pronounced to have had repeated dreams in which she nude off all her garments in a church as a dumbfounded assemblage silently worshipped her exposed beauty.

With the appearance of reality shows, amorous blogs and obsessive, voluptuous photo-posting on social networking communities, exhibitionism and voyeurism are busting by the amorous museum of the mind and into that half-way residence between expectation and reality: the media.  More and more, healthy exhibitionists are just making and posting their own porn, branch everybody on their “friend list” into voyeurs.

In a society, we tend to consider of exhibitionism as womanlike and voyeurism as male.  After all, due to the prohibited politics of cold cash, many strip clubs have womanlike performers for male business and the good infancy of loyal sex magazines and websites have pictures of women for men to admire.  You can post anything on the Internet but, still, women tend to be the ones who get paid for sex as a stripper, prostitute, porn star, mistress or other ardent performer.  Whether this shows that women are dominant–making income doing what they already enjoy as they call their own shots–or submissive–allowing themselves to be exploited and finished to do things they don’t like for the consequence of money–depends on the woman.  Likewise, possibly “paying for it” shows that men are dominant–wealthy and comprehensive adequate to compensate and get what they want–or submissive–forced to compensate given that’s the only way they’ll get what they need–depends on the man.

Most people would contend the He-Pays-To-Watch-Her unfolding is the healthy attribute between male and female, but is it?  In nature, it’s customarily the male of the class that’s the exhibitionist, the classical instance being the peacock.  His sex drive programs him to strut his ardent things for the womanlike who watches him voyeuristically and utterly critically, determining possibly he’d make a good sex partner formed mostly on the beauty of his tail.  Since there aren’t too many opportunities for men to sexually display themselves for women in a society, many men secretly fantasize about exhibitionism.  They desperately wish to show themselves off, with special importance on their banned penises that are so banned everywhere solely hardcore porn.  In fact, there’s a illusion that is gaining in recognition on the Internet famous by its initials CFNM: Clothed Female, Naked Male.

6. Animals and Angels

Your furious amorous inlet may emerge in animal fantasies.  Don’t worry, having animal sex fantasies doesn’t (usually) meant you wish to have sex with animals in genuine life.  You may just revelry in the ultra-taboo, beastly wildness.   Horses and dogs figure ordinarily in men’s bestiality fantasies which customarily engage them submissively receiving sex from the animal or voyeuristically examination a lady intent in sex with the animal. Female fantasies tend to engage the lady being the animal, mostly something in the furious “pussy” family, such as a lioness, tiger or cheetah. No consternation wildcat patterns are so renouned in women’s fashion.

Of course, real-life bestiality is abominable to many people.  But animal sex fantasies bond you to your animal nature, mostly pardon your mind from the all-too-human ardent hardship that lurks within you.

On the other finish of the ardent expectation spectrum lies the spiritual.  Sacred sex.  You competence fantasize about an Eros angel with wings to take you flying.  Dreams of drifting are mostly deliberate black of orgasm.  You competence suppose a boundless trio with you, your rightly married associate and the all-embracing participation of God or the Goddess.  Your dedicated sex fantasies competence be shabby by a eremite upbringing, the Bible, the Koran, the Tao Te Ching or other devout teachings that rouse the sex act to something heavenly, such that you competence suppose your ardent kinship as a  vast partnership of two souls apropos one.  Religious people don’t tend to impersonate their ideas about devout kinship as fantasies, but if the holy dress fits, wear it.  Fantasies of sex with space aliens and superheroes go into the “angel” category, nonetheless some competence be a bit some-more animal.

These are the many elementary forms of secret ardent fantasies.  There are many some-more variations, and I’d adore to hear some of yours. But first let’s answer a few elemental questions about ardent fantasy, where it comes from and where it can take you.

Where Do Fantasies Come From?

Your fantasies start in the cradle, maybe even in the womb.  By the time you strech your teens, they get really intense.  Many of your amorous fantasies branch from early memories, the first images you find arousing.  If for no other reason than consistent proximity, these images mostly come by interactions with family: your mother’s slip unresolved on the clothesline, your father spanking you, throwing your sister exposed in the bathroom, your hermit wrestling you to the ground. That’s one reason since incest fantasies of all kinds are so common.  But don’t worry; just having incest fantasies doesn’t meant you’ve ever really had incest or ever will.

It’s loyal that real-life incest victims and perpetrators tend to be rapt by such imagery, mostly outset from dire memories.  But many people who have incest fantasies have never acted on them.  Oedipus complex, anyone?  Freud may have been off on penis envy, but he was right on the income shot when he theorized that Oedipus and Electra, Mommy and Daddy complexes, and other forms of terribly banned incest fantasies interfuse the secret spaces of many of a amorous minds.

Of course, the family is not the only source of secret ardent fantasy. You competence collect up images from friends, neighbors and school experiences, as good as from your favorite angel tales, movies, TV shows and renouned music, not to discuss Internet porn. These early images are very powerful, given they stir themselves on you when you’re very impressionable.  They spin blueprints for your desire, repeating themselves in your memories and activating your imagination, infusing your healthy sexuality with definition and excitement.  They alternately confuse, excite, please, comfort and torture you.  And they spin secret ardent fantasies.

Your amorous fantasies competence be shabby by aspects of your early years that aren’t so apparently sexual.  We human beings are masters at anticipating china linings in black clouds, and we mostly do this by the “magic” of ardent fantasy.  For instance, if you were very sick as a child and cramped to bed, you competence go on to fantasize about subjugation or feeling deprivation.  If you were abused or bullied when you were small, then after in life you competence spin being bullied into something silken and fantasize about amorous acquiescence or humiliation.  On the other hand, your expectation mind competence rather spin the tables on reality and eroticize domination.  Your ardent fantasies are keys that clear the doors of your restricted personal history.  They can help you to cope with your real-life problems, just as your dreams do.  But they tend to do it when you’re awake.

What Are Fantasies Good For?

Sexual fantasies can be keys that clear the doors of your restricted personal history.  They can help you to cope with your real-life problems, just as your dreams do, nonetheless they tend to do it when you’re awake. They can help you work by past mishap or abuse, handling like an amorous painkiller on negative, hurtful memories.  Of course, that can lead to other problems, such as wanting to act out the expectation and commit the abuse that you gifted onto someone else.  But it doesn’t have to.  Sexual fantasies and amorous dreams, generally when accompanied by orgasm and viewpoint (not indispensably in that order), can help to recover the highlight and mishap of the past.  They can also help you relive good ardent memories.  You conclude this advantage of expectation some-more as you get older.  And no, you don’t have to act out anything in genuine life; you can keep your secret ardent fantasies and memories sealed up in your mind for safekeeping.

But fantasies aren’t just about the past.  They can also ready you for the future.  Fantasies can be misty or minute rehearsals in the amorous museum of the mind for ardent acts you haven’t nonetheless experienced.  That’s substantially a graceful common use of expectation at Yale, or on any college campus.  Just as athletes suppose personification and winning the Big Game before it actually happens, so you competence suppose seducing or being seduced by your Perfect Lover before the Big Date–or the Big Hook-Up.  Some Casanovas and Cleopatras mix expectation with strategy to tempt any partner they desire.  This is partial of the Mystery process that Matador represented at Sex Week at Yale in 2008.  If you can dream it, you can do it.

On the other hand, your secret ardent fantasies can outing you up.  Fantasies can be very perverse, enhancing your insecurity, even as they awaken your passions.  If you tend to fantasize about being flustered by people you desire, then you competence have a tough time–so to speak–psyching yourself up in a certain way for a date with someone you’d like to impress.

Understandably, people mostly would like to get absolved of heavy fantasies. Maybe they fantasize about being broke when they’d like to be confident, or having happy sex when they’d like to be straight, or doing their partner’s sister when they’d like to concentration on their partner.   But deletion a secret ardent expectation from your mental tough drive is much easier pronounced than done. In fact, it really can’t be done.  Very often, the harder you try to banish a bad expectation from your head, the some-more insidiously it will hang itself around your every suspicion and feeling. You simply can’t control your fantasies, at slightest no better than you can control your dreams.

But your fantasies don’t have to control you either.  Just given you suppose doing some crazy, eccentric thing doesn’t meant you have to do it.  You can’t control what you imagine.  But you can, some-more or less, control what you do in genuine life.  So don’t make like the Thought Police and bust yourself for your fantasies!  Hold yourself accountable for your actions, not your thoughts.  Your favorite, secret, ardent expectation is a benefaction you can’t return, nonetheless sometimes, with time, it fades.

To Share or Not to Share?

Make friends with your fantasies.  Don’t vainly try to control them, and maybe they won’t take control of you. Then you can use them as protected outlets for dark, disobedient or banned desires that you can’t, or wouldn’t, wish to live out–perhaps given you know that doing so would harm you or someone you love.  For some people, fantasies are good mental sex toys, interactive mind-movies, playgrounds for the libido.  We grow up personification as children, but gradually all a games spin critical and there’s very little playtime left in a adult lives.  The amorous museum of the mind is a place for you to play.  Do try to play safe, nonetheless that’s not always as elementary as it sounds.

What about sharing?  Opening up about differently secret ardent fantasies with your partner can make lovemaking some-more exciting.  Sharing fantasies isn’t customarily required when you first have sex together.  So much is new in reality, your mind doesn’t have to go much over than the benefaction moment for stimulation.  But after a while, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you get to know any other’s bodies so good that your mind is firm to drift…into fantasy. After all, there are only so many earthy positions into which you can hook your bodies, but there is an unconstrained array of mind-games you can play, or role-play.  On the other hand, your secret ardent expectation could hurt, anger, shock or offend your lover.  One person’s expectation is another’s nightmare.

So, to share or not to share?  It really depends on you, your partner and the fantasy.  In other words: ensue with caution.  Take baby steps…

If you’ve never shared a expectation with your lover, and you’d like to try, start by pity a memory, a stirring amorous knowledge you actually had together.  Reminisce about it in bed, then overstate the memory by devising something that could have finished the knowledge even some-more exciting. You can also kindle the pity of fantasies by reading or looking at erotica together. Be poetic, be explicit, be romantic, be outrageous, be honest, but be sensitive.  Try tossing out tiny tools of your secret fantasies like test balloons; if it floats, keep embellishing; if you can see it falling by your partner’s disastrous reaction, switch gears.

It’s unsure business, but zero good in life comes nonetheless holding a chance.  If you can share your fantasies with your lover, you can get to know any other deeply, weaving comprehensive strands of feeling into the fabric of your relationship, consistent fantasies with memories and ever-expanding possibilities.

Susan Block is a sex therapist and the author of “The 10 Commandments of Pleasure.” Read some-more on her website at bloggamy.com.


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