Home / Satire / So, This Happened: Trump Officially Declared Oct. 9th 2017 “Columbus Day”

So, This Happened: Trump Officially Declared Oct. 9th 2017 “Columbus Day”

trump announce columbus day
Why didn’t he just wait until Andrew Jackson’s Birthday and call it “Trail of Tears Day?”

Trump separate on Native Americans and threw red beef to his base. He announced Oct 9th, 2017 “Columbus Day,” despite the horrible genocidal actions of Christopher Columbus. Why not just wait until Andrew Jackson’s birthday and announce it “Trail of Tears Day?” Because, that is what this looks like to anyone with a mote of chronological sense.

Not a Twitter declaration, not just cheering “happy Columbus Day,” (to upset pansy liberals who don’t conclude the man who fed live locals to dogs when they couldn’t puncture up adequate bullion for him), but an tangible central stipulation so that he can feel special. If you are, like many of us, unfeeling in his drivel, skip to the territory that starts with all collateral letters, below:



Five hundred and twenty-five years ago, Christopher Columbus finished an desirous and adventurous excursion opposite the Atlantic Ocean to the Americas.  The excursion was a conspicuous and then-unparalleled attainment that helped launch the age of scrutiny and discovery.  The permanent attainment of Europeans to the Americas was a transformative eventuality that certainly and essentially changed the march of human story and set the theatre for the growth of the good Nation.  Therefore, on Columbus Day, we respect the learned navigator and man of faith, whose bold attainment brought together continents and has desirous large others to pursue their dreams and philosophy — even in the face of extreme doubt and extensive adversity.


More than 5 centuries after his initial voyage, we remember the “Admiral of the Ocean Sea” for building the vicious first couple in the clever and fast bond between the United States and Europe.  While Isabella we and Ferdinand II of Spain sponsored his ancestral voyage, Columbus was a local of the City of Genoa, in benefaction day Italy, and represents the abounding story of critical Italian American contributions to the good Nation.  There can be no doubt that American culture, business, and county life would all be much reduction colourful in the deficiency of the Italian American community.  We also take this event to reaffirm the close ties to Columbus’s country of birth, Italy.  Italy is a clever fan and a valued partner in compelling assent and compelling wealth around the world.

In decoration of Christopher Columbus’s ancestral voyage, the Congress, by corner fortitude of Apr 30, 1934, and mutated in 1968 (36 U.S.C. 107), as amended, has requested the President broadcast the second Monday of Oct of any year as “Columbus Day.”

NOW, THEREFORE, I, DONALD J. TRUMP, President of the United States of America, by trait of the management vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby broadcast Oct 9, 2017, as Columbus Day.  we call on the people of the United States to observe this day with suitable ceremonies and activities.  we also approach that the dwindle of the United States be displayed on all open buildings on the allocated day in respect of the different story and all who have contributed to moulding this Nation.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, we have hereunto set my palm this sixth day of October, in the year of the Lord two thousand seventeen, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and forty-second.


Donald Trump was, of course, aggressive Obama for being supportive to this reality, and liberals for actually caring about history: not romanticized revisionist whitewashed drivel. Columbus’ loyal story is not one for the gloomy of heart.

Trump’s stipulation privately calls out how Italian Americans. Sadly, connected them to a very untrustworthy figure in Italian and American History. Italian Americans could perspective Columbus as German Americans view… well, they are comparable. That is how skirmish this is: Trump stepped on the reality of History in preference of trying to flint his white bottom with a specific pandering to Americans of Italian descent.

All in the same request he praised a butcher.

In case you need the refresher, Columbus was a beast of Catholic proportions:

Featured picture around Flikr

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